Stay or Go? – Debating Divorce, Debilitating Addiction by Anonymous

I started off the year 2015 as a recent divorcee from a verbally abusive marriage, and honestly, I was wanting to be loved!

I started going back to church to truly work on myself. I attended a church that was specifically for young single adults (known as a YSA ward in “Mormon” lingo). When I first started attending, all I could think of myself was as “damaged goods.”

As the months passed by, I met Chad. Chad was the SWEETEST man I had ever met. We grew close, and eventually it turned into a passionate relationship.

I confided in him my divorce and the reasons for it, and he was so understanding. I felt SO LOVED.

He disclosed information about his pill popping habit. He said that he too had started to attend church, and had allegedly been able to overcome that addiction.

After just three months of dating, and my desperate need to belong to someone at its peak, we decided to elope and get married. It was so exciting! I was marrying this perfect guy and we were going to live happily ever after…

Fast forward a month into our marriage, Chad suffered a minor injury, but it required being put on some pain medicine.

As soon as he began to take it, something happened. He began to withdraw. He wouldn’t talk to me. Our long talks at night were now met with silence.

I tried to talk with him to figure out what I had possibly done.

He soon started to act even more strange. Any bright light began to hurt his eyes. He required complete blackout within the house.

He quit his job, and spent the entire day in bed. Smells and sounds began to become an issue to him.

I had to be careful what I cooked (IN THE DARK!) so that it wouldn’t trigger one of his head spells. I was the only one to ever leave the house! The one with the job to support us. I was paying the bills.

This man I had just married has literally transformed into a monster before my eyes.

I reached out to his family for help. They knew his problem – apparently Chad had this super rare diagnosis (I hesitate to share the exact disease since the diagnosis is so rare, you would be easily able to identify him and I do not want to invade his privacy).

He had it throughout his childhood, but pain medicine had a chemical reaction to his brain, that made his acutely sensitive and aggravated by light, smells, sounds, etc.

How would his family NOT tell me? Why did HE not tell me? Why would he take those pills again KNOWING what would happen?

I felt betrayed. I wanted out. This was not what I signed up for!

But I also felt like I COULDN’T leave the marriage. Hadn’t I made covenants to love him, in SICKNESS or in health? I loved the man I had met. I wanted him back.

I tried to seek help from his family, phycologists, and doctors. However, the problem was Chad. He didn’t want to change.

I tried to speak with him to see if we could work together to help him get better. He did not want to quit the drugs, even with the effects they had on him.

Believe it or not, I stayed in this situation – of living with a man who was in bed 24/7, had no job, demanded the lights stay off, dictated what “smells” I could let in the house – for over a YEAR! I truly lived in hell.

The final breaking point was our thirteenth month together. His personality became more hostile. The yelling turned into shoving, and one night I feared for my life.

Enough was enough.

I filed for divorce the next day. I had his parents take him out of my house. I was FREE.

Yes, I have been divorced twice.

No, I didn’t plan it like that.

Yes, I am happy now.

No, I don’t regret my choices.

I may be seen as “broken” by others, but I truly feel strong. I am working on myself, on my career, and my relationship with God. I know all good things will come to those are good, and I will work each day to spread happiness.