Is it Normal to be Scared before Marriage? And How to Improve Marriage Relationship by Anonymous

This writer almost didn’t go through with marrying her now-husband. She found herself asking: “Is it normal to be scared before marriage?”

Once married, she found herself wondering how to improve a marriage relationship. She made a lot of discoveries through trial that made her a better wife and a happier person.

I Don’t Want to Get Married!

I was terrified to get married.

After several breakups and makeups with my now husband, I finally got the courage and faith to go forward with such a big commitment.

Why was I so scared?

There were two reasons. One was that others around me seemed like they had a flawless courtship and relationship… and my now-husband and I definitely didn’t.

Secondly, I have seen so many people get divorced and have also seen some marriages get ugly. My grandparents on both sides are divorced.

I had friends’ parents get divorced whom I thought never would. I had a friend who had many personal issues due to her parents’ divorce.

Her divorced parents would try to get the kids to pick a side. They would belittle the other parent, and they would go to the kids for advice. That was ugly.

Still Figuring Marriage Out?

Somehow, I got my answer and summed up the courage to marry my husband. Now, after being married myself for some time, I still don’t have marriage figured out.

However, I have come to find the beauty that can come in a marriage when two people respect each other and both put in the work. I am grateful for my husband because he is always willing to work.

I have found that marriage is naturally going to be tough and require lots of effort, because it is two completely different people combining two already established worlds into one.

My husband comes from a different background than me, and in some ways, he is the total opposite of me.

Disconnected or Connected? Technology and Love

For example, he loves technology and I often find him on his phone a lot which can be frustrating to me sometimes.

I, on the other hand, am a grandma with technology and don’t care too much for it. I love being disconnected, as weird as that might sound. That difference alone can make us clash sometimes.

He gets frustrated because I don’t always look at my phone when he texts me, and I get mad because he can’t always engage in conversation with me because he is too plugged in.

Wrangling with Love Languages

We also both have different love languages. I have found that people are typically good at showing their love for you in their own love language, but in a relationship, you need to learn to show your love in the other person’s love language!

Sometimes that means putting yourself out of your comfort zone, but it’s well worth the effort.

For example, my love language is quality time so I naturally show love that way. My husband’s is words of affirmation and being able to laugh with him.

So even though by spending quality time with him I feel like I’m showing him love, he feels it more in other ways.

For example, I remember a time that I was exhausted and wasn’t in the mood for humor. It’s hard for me to appreciate humor when I have a lot to get done or am tired.

However, I wanted to help my husband feel my love after a long day, so I decided to crack a joke that totally took him by surprise. He responded with another joke and I responded in a way thy made him laugh.

I remember seeing a pure smile of happiness I hadn’t seen in a while flash across his face. Although it was “uncomfortable” for me to look for humor in that scenario, I’m glad I did because the result was priceless.

Of course, sometimes my husband does things that drive me crazy, like repeating the same jokes and expecting me to laugh or leaving his clothing on the floor of a freshly cleaned room, but I have found that we are so much happier when I look outward and try to make his day better.

How to Improve Marriage Relationship

A successful and joyful marriage starts with me. I have to change my focus. It’s so easy to get caught up in the “if my husband would only change this” trap.

Happiness starts with you. Of course, this is excluding situations like abuse or other circumstances where partners disrespect one another. I am referring to people like myself, who are married to imperfect but good people.

I have found that I am so much happier in my marriage when I take control of what I can in my marriage.

I might serve my husband, give him a compliment, or laugh at those same jokes that I’ve heard before. I find it’s better to let go of things I can’t control, like my husband’s personality, habits, and behavior.

I am so grateful for marriage because it truly does make me better. My husband sometimes is the first to correct me, which can be hard, but he is also the first to comfort me when I am struggling.

We are much happier when we let each other fly instead of holding each other to ridiculously high expectations.

We are a team, and we are stronger when we work together. I have learned that the most rewarding things in life take a lot of patience, humility, and “I’m sorrys,” but they are worth the work!

by Anonymous

If you’re searching “how to improve marriage relationship,” remember our writer’s words. “Happiness starts with you.” Most of us are married to good but imperfect people, and those types of relationships are 100% workable… and working on them will bring joy.