Imperfect People Part IV: What’s the Point? Overcoming Marital Challenges by Anonymous
My marital challenges put strain not only on my relationship with my husband but also on my relationship with God.
Trusting God
On those nights when dark thoughts clouded my mind, and I didn’t want to be a wife or a mother anymore, I cried out to my Heavenly Father, and was disappointed with the lack of love I felt back. I didn’t get much of an answer. The only answers I heard were things I did not think my kind Heavenly Father would say to His struggling daughter.
“Tough it out.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“You’re choosing to be depressed.”
I still do not know if those words were from my Heavenly Father or from my own mind, but I believe firmly that it was all part of God’s plan for my life. God knew I could overcome these low moments. He knew that if I pressed on, I could find joy in my marriage, gain humility, and become more like Christ. No one enjoys their moments in the refiner’s fire, but I have found peace with those dark days now.
I know my experience and my acceptance won’t be an answer for everyone. For those who are desperately seeking more answers, press forward. Keep trying. This trial won’t last forever.
Evolving in Marriage
Pride and unkindness rear their ugly heads differently for everyone. My spouse is transparent: when he’s upset, he is tempted to use cruel words. He struggles not to manipulate and take advantage of people in simple ways.
I still have those nights where I think “I can’t do it anymore. Why does my husband treat me this way?” So, if you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. But divorce is not an option for me, and it never really has been. Why? And how have I found happiness in my marriage?
- I realized that the grass isn’t greener. As bad as it sounds, learning about other wives’ trials has helped me immensely. For so long I truly believed I was the only one with such seemingly insurmountable challenges. But a few of my friends opened up to me about their own marital challenges, which were so surprising and also so different from my own. I would never trade my own set of problems to face theirs.
- I started to practice gratitude. There are widows, there are military wives, there are wives with sick or injured husbands. There are abusive relationships, there is cheating, there are addictions, there is distrust. There are so many exhausting trials that I am not experiencing in my own marriage. I have a husband who is loyal, hardworking, loving, and willing to learn and grow. We have the same core values and we both strive to become more selfless each day.
- I asked myself what the purpose of marriage was. Did God intend to torture us? Or is hard work the only route to true joy? One of my favorite quotes about marriage is from President Gordon B. Hinckley, who said: “I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern [and any woman who will make her husband’s comfort her first concern] will stay in love throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come.”
I feel like my spouse and I have finally emerged out of the darkness into the light. I know there will be twists and turns in the future, and they won’t be easy. For now, I’m going to reap the benefits of my hard work and really enjoy my marriage.
