I Love My Husband but I Hate Our Marriage: Constant Fighting in Marriage, Competition in a Marriage by Anonymous

This author wanted to share how her perfectionism wreaked havoc on her marriage. She and her husband endured constant fighting in marriage and the consequences of competition in a marriage.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “I love my husband and hate our marriage,” you’re not alone. Read this author’s story:

Setting the Stage for Competition in a Marriage

This isn’t a long story, but it’s a lesson I want to share.

My entire life pre-marriage, I had always been strong willed. I liked to make all the decisions and I tended to believe what I believe was always correct. Yes, I need to work on being humble, but it’s the truth of how I felt!

I had the need and desire to be perfect. With this desire came the need for me to make my boyfriends PERFECT too. I held them to a high standard and was quick to dump and move on when I found their slightest fault.

Dating my soon-to-be-husband, I had met my match! He too was so sure of himself, confident, and knew what he wanted. I found it extremely attractive while dating, and we quickly tied the knot.

I Love My Husband but I Hate Our Marriage!

As you can guess, when I got married to this amazing man, we immediately had some problems. Like me, he too was very stubborn, thought he was always right, and wanted his way — always.

Do you see the problem?

The first year of our marriage, we fought a TON! We couldn’t agree on anything.

I would want us to go to the gym, he would want us to stay home. I would want us to go grocery shopping, he would want us to go to a restaurant.

We would fight about who was the harder worker. Who deserved to be more tired after a long day. Who was right, who was wrong.

It became almost a competition. We were both so worried about being the “right” one, we began to ignore the others’ feelings.

Turning to Therapy to End Constant Fighting in Marriage

After a year of constant battles, we FINALLY agreed on one thing – marriage counseling.

At first, my husband and I would battle in counseling to prove who was in fault. The first counselor we saw couldn’t handle it, and we quickly reached out to find another counselor. 

(Side note: Just like when you pick a husband, its so important to know to be picky with your counselor! Each one has a different style!)

Our second counselor was much better. Things just clicked. He was ready for our marital battles. He helped us see how we should consider each other – it’s not always about winning. We had to strive to 1) not try to control each other and 2) try to compromise.

Did 1 therapy session fix our marriage? NO. We have been going to therapy twice a month for a year. But you know what? We are stronger than ever!

My husband and I both continue to struggle, but with therapy, we have a place to work together to find conclusions. Marriage is hard work.

Sometimes, it sucks. I hate it. BUT other times, I love it. I have my best friend, my lover, my go-to for everything! I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “I love my husband but I hate our marriage,” you’re not alone, and it’s not too late. You can end constant fighting in marriage by turning to the experts or finding a new way to communicate.

We recommend the above and following affiliate resources to get a better perspective that may forever change your marriage. An open mind can stifle competition in a marriage and bring warmth and affection back to your relationship.

Thanks to Pexels for our images.