Fatal Young Romance or Lifelong Friendship?

by Anonymous

A pregnancy took this young couple by surprise. These college freshmen decided to get married after dating for only a few months. Could such a relationship possibly stand the test of time?

This author describes some of the benefits of marrying young as well as benefits of starting a family young, despite the adversity she and her husband faced.

Do Shotgun Weddings Last? A True Marriage Story

I walked down the isle of the small room carpeted in orange Berber carpet. The shiny brass arch covered in crumpled silk ivy surrounded my soon-to-be husband. 

A fitting start for the rushed wedding. The sparse wedding party smiled as I walked slowly toward him, but I know what was going through their minds. It’s what I would have thought if it was anyone else.

“They are too young!”

“I wonder how long this will last?”  etc, etc.

Everyone wonders: Do shotgun weddings last? Here’s our story.

We met our freshman year of college just days after moving in.  He lived next door to me… I had a boyfriend. He was funny, the complete opposite of me.  His personality drew me to him, but we didn’t have any sort of relationship.

He joked and talked with my roommates; the jealousy ate away at my stomach.  I broke up with my boyfriend and a few weeks later we began dating.

That was about twenty-five years ago to the day. Three short months later, at the age of nineteen, we were walking down that orange carpeted isle.  Eight and a half months later, our first child was born. Doomed from the start, we somehow made it twenty-five years.  

Benefits of Marrying Young

Turns out, there are benefits of marrying young. How did we make it when so many others in the same situation fail?  I believe the day of our wedding we got the first piece of great advice that started us on our journey.

My father said, “Go on a date once a week.  Don’t skip a week. I was given this advice from a friend and it has helped in our marriage.”  

One of the benefits of marrying young was that we were desperate for advice — and we soaked it up.

It seems every time I saw my father he would offer me the same advice.  I can’t say we are religious with our every-week dates, but we do make dating each other a priority.  When money was tight we would opt for simple outings like a drive through the mountains listening to our favorite songs, a movie night on the couch, or even dinner on the back porch. 

In fact, some of our most memorable dates are ones where no money was spent, just a thoughtful activity put together. During the years with young kids, when a finding or paying for a sitter was difficult, creative dating was even more important.  Ultimately, the time together gives us time to connect emotionally, physically, and have fun together–all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.

Benefits of Starting a Family Young

After being married for a couple of years we moved across the country.  With no family for thousands of miles, we quickly learned that we could only really rely on each other.  

One of the misconceptions of getting married young is that you don’t know who you are yet or what you want.  Did it matter that I didn’t know? Not really. What was more important is that I included my spouse in that process and he included me.  We grew up together. We figured out who we were by including each other, not excluding each other.

I don’t feel like my “finding myself” has ended yet either, so including my spouse in that continual growth and change is ongoing.  Asking the question how does my husband fit in my life? Is no different than asking how my child fits in my life?—after they are already in my life.  A better question to ask is, how does this life we are living fit into our relationship? Make it a priority!  

What are the benefits of starting a family young? Even with our children, we always made (and make) each other a priority.  We don’t let our child rule our relationship. They are a consequence of our love.  Why would we put that love on hold to raise them?

It’s not that our children aren’t important to us, but if our relationship suffers, then there will be consequences in our children’s lives too.  He is my best friend and I am his. We turn to each other for support, guidance, laughter, & advice. I am who I am because he is by my side.

Hard Work Makes Marriage Work

The years have gone by, but one thing I’ve realized is how lucky I am to a helpful husband.  I often hear many of my friends complain about the inadequacies of their spouse.

I don’t get it.  Sure, I could spout all the things he does wrong, but I try to focus on all the things he does right.  Being married for twenty-five years, we’ve found our groove.

Instead of trying to distribute the workload evenly, we do what we are best at to help our household and relationship run smoothly.  Sometimes that means he does the grocery shopping, sometimes it means I caulk the sink.

If he’s too busy to get the honey-do list done I step up and do it for him and vice versa. Learning to give and take when the other needs our help has kept our arguments to a minimum. 

We learned not to criticize but take charge of what needs to be done. I have capable friends, which is why I’m dumbfounded when I hear my friends complain so often about their spouse.

Maybe they do fall short somewhere they wish they didn’t. What if, instead of complaining, they spoke up, helped out, and worked it out?!

Because this is a true marriage story, I’ll admit that marriage has never been perfect. While our life hasn’t been free from troubles, hurt, or difficulties, I believe we have been able to get through them primarily by making time for each other, helping each other, and keeping the spark by creating moments of fun, without that a relationship just feels like one more chore on the to-do list. 

I’m glad we weren’t one more statistic of a fatal young romance, but I know we easily could have been without the effort we put in to building our life together.

One of the best benefits of marrying young is that you get to grow up together. They learn to depend on each other and change for each other.

Starting a family young isn’t always easy, but there can be benefits to starting a family young as well. Even with children, this couple continued to put one another first, and could therefore work together seamlessly to raise their children.

Do shotgun weddings last? Absolutely they can with the love and the willingness to make it work.