We Were Never Created to Do This On Our Own: Marriage Fertility Problems, Marriage Communication Breakdown

by Anonymous

Do you have difficulty getting pregnant? Stories like this one help women struggling with fertility to know they’re not alone.

Marriage fertility problems can be one reason for marriage communication breakdown. However, we all undergo marriage communication breakdown in our relationships, and this author addresses how she and her spouse moved past it.

Difficulty Getting Pregnant Stories

My husband and I knew each other for 6 years before getting married. I thought I knew just about everything about him by the time we got married, and honestly, there wasn’t much that surprised me about him. We seamlessly meshed our lives, and our first year of marriage was a dream. 

About a year into marriage, we decided it was time to start trying for kids. Due to some medical issues and having PCOS, I knew it would be hard for us to start a family. Little did I know how hard it was going to be on me mentally and emotionally. 

No one tells you about the anguish and defeat you feel when trying to conceive with no luck.

It really felt like I was the only one who had so much difficulty getting pregnant. Stories like this one would have helped me during that seemingly never-ending time.

Month after month would go by without a positive pregnancy or ovulation test and it started to wear on me. I honestly felt like I was failing at the one thing that I was created to do. (I know all you feminists out there will hate me for saying that, but that’s how I felt.)

I wanted so badly to be able to start a family, to feel a baby kick inside of me, and to have a child of my own. 

It seemed at the time that everyone we spoke to would somehow announce they were expecting, or those who weren’t even trying would be ‘surprised’ with a pregnancy.

While I was happy for each one of them, it was also a stab to the heart. Was I not good enough to be a mom? Why could someone that is addicted to drugs and on the verge of divorce so easily get pregnant when we were doing good and trying to conceive but couldn’t?

What was I doing wrong? Could God not trust me to take care of one of his kids?  

Marriage Communication Breakdown

I started to sink into a slump of depression. I felt as though everything I was doing was pointless if it didn’t include becoming pregnant. My loving husband, who is naturally a very optimistic person, started to become a little bit of an enemy for me.

He has always been a positive person, and this was no exception. 

In his best efforts to comfort me, he would tell me that it was not my fault, and he was totally happy to adopt.

While both of these statements are very true and highly honorable of him, at the time I didn’t see it that way.

All I wanted was for him to agree that it wasn’t fair that we had to suffer through this trial and curse the whole process itself. Luckily for me, he never did.  

We had decided not to tell family and friends that we were trying to conceive so we faced this trial together just the two of us. He became my rock and the only way that positive thoughts came into my life about the situation. 

Despite our marriage communication breakdown, I tried to appreciate my spouse’s outlook even when it annoyed me.

Marriage Fertility Problems & Success

After countless doctors appointments and hundreds of tests later, we were able to start some fertility treatments.

We were very blessed and became pregnant with our little boy. As much as we struggled and disagreed, I couldn’t have faced this trial alone. 

Don’t get me wrong — our marriage is nowhere near perfect, and we constantly have our differences, but I truly believe that I couldn’t get through these trials without my husband.

As difficult as marriage is, I think it is worth the struggle and fighting to stick together. We may have different outlooks and differing opinions, but we need that.

We need the optimism when all we can see is the negative. We need the help when we each struggle. We need to face these trials together. We were never created to do this on our own. 

If you or someone you love has difficulty getting pregnant, stories like this woman’s can help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. This anonymous author realized her marriage communication breakdown came from having very different viewpoints, but over time, she learned these differences were a blessing, not a curse.

If you have experienced marriage fertility problems, please reach out to us at wivestribe@gmail.com. We would love to share your true story with other women who are experiencing dark days in efforts to become pregnant.