The Most Toxic Marriage Habit You Need to Stop Right Now

If you are feeling disconnected in your marriage, this post is for YOU.

I believe that the #1 most toxic marriage habit that is ruining marriages today has to do with feeling disconnected. People are getting divorced left and right, seeking more passion, more love, and more attention.

The most toxic habit is blaming your partner for feeling disconnected in your marriage.

My husband and I did a day date to a theme park a few months ago. He had moments where he showed affection, and we had a nice time together. But at the end of the date, I felt disappointed.

He didn’t talk to me enough in the line. He looked at his phone too much. A lot of the things he said and did annoyed me. I didn’t like his sense of humor all that much. Is this really what our relationship has become? Do we even like each other anymore? Why do I feel disconnected from my spouse?

I was blaming my partner for everything he did wrong. Somehow, he was ruining our relationship.  It took me some time to realize that I was actually the one in the wrong.

Why Do I Feel Disconnected from My Spouse?

My spouse had absolutely zero complaints about our marriage. Why? Because he had a better attitude than me. I am far from a perfect partner, but he chooses to be happy. Not only that, but he initiates affection when he wants affection, and he makes it clear when he needs anything from me. By making just 4 small changes, I revolutionized the tone of our relationship.

• I listened like I used to: I started listening to his stories like I did when we first got together (or at least, I tried my best to do so). I took his side like I used to, listened carefully, and backed him up however I could.
• I practiced gratitude: At the end of each day, I spoke aloud at least 3 things I was grateful for in my partner that day. (He played with the kids when he came home. He helped me put up the curtains without any complaint. He is completely loyal. He worked hard for our family today.)
• I reached out when I needed love. Instead of lecturing my partner about how I needed to be loved (trust me, he does NOT respond to that), I treated him how I wanted to be treated.
• I noticed when he showed me love. I used to focus on the ways he made me feel unloved. I started consciously registering the moments I felt loved. I really appreciate every time he initiates a kiss or a cuddle, gives me a simple compliment, or helps me with the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days that I secretly want a sappy compliment or some extra attention, but the simple things my husband does go SO much further in keeping me happy than they used to.

Remember: it’s OKAY if you’re feeling disconnected in your marriage. It’s okay to ask regularly: Why do I feel disconnected from my spouse? However, it’s important not to dwell on these things. Instead, focus on this: “What can I do to feel more connected to my spouse?” If you want to make it work, you absolutely can.

If you have more to add to this post about feeling disconnected in your marriage, we would love to hear your thoughts and share them with our readers. Comment here or on our social media channels with your ideas.

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, I know the best way for you to light a fire under your butt. My friend and I came up with the idea for this workbook through our own experiences – through blaming our husbands for our “poor relationship quality,” moping about our relationships, without doing much to change them ourselves. This workbook is so easy, so affordable, and absolutely effective. For the readers of this blog, our 66-Day Marriage Transformation is only $2.99. So much cheaper than therapy, and even more practical for some people.