Part 3: Being a Traditional Wife Married to a Feminist Man by Hayley

Is there gender equality in marriage? As the concept of women’s rights takes on new meaning every day, what is some relationship advice for couples? What should marriage roles today look like?

Hayley shares her relationship advice for couples based on her experiences in a wonderful marriage.

Relationship Advice for Couples: Feminism and Traditional Gender Roles in Marriage

To the wife out there who feels like she is failing, you aren’t. Fearlessly challenge the expectations you place on yourself. Question “who” is determining what your life is “supposed” to look like, and what you are “supposed” to do.

Is there gender equality in marriage? What are marriage roles today?

Emma Watson shared my favorite definition of feminism. It is ‘the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.’

Beyond that definition, David would say he also sees it as creating a marriage partnership where spouses take equal part in the management of the household and raising of children.

My subservience to traditional gender roles led to me entering our marriage perfectly prepared to put my entire self aside to do “what I’m supposed to,” meaning that I would pop out babies, become a stay-at-home mom, not pursue out-of-the-home endeavors, become a martyr, and I would be happy doing it. I was fully prepared to run myself into the ground doing that, at all costs to myself.

David didn’t accept that. He had a different idea of gender equality in marriage.

David saw me as Hayley, that girl he fell in love with before the Wife Switch flipped. That Hayley had talents, dreams, ideas, aspirations, and potential. He wasn’t going to let me leave those things for dead after marriage.

He thought more of me than that and fought for me to fight for myself.

Our Marriage Roles Today

We are coming up on our 5th anniversary, and things look very different. These are our marriage roles today…

Sometimes clean laundry stays in the basket all week.

Sometimes David cooks dinner.

Sometimes I do the dishes before work.

Sometimes David does the dishes before work.

Sometimes the dishes don’t get done.

Sometimes I clean the bathroom.

Sometimes David cleans out the trash.

Sometimes neither of us want to cook and we go to Panda Express.

But we are both happy. We don’t keep score. We see each other for our potential and ambitions and support each other along the way.

We understand that there are seasons in our life. We decide that it’s not just motherhood or just fatherhood, it’s parenthood, and fathers are equally responsible for kids and household as mothers are.

We know that I shouldn’t be the lone sacrificer of my future and ambitions just because I’m the woman. We know that we are the masters of our marriage, not tradition.

We understand we are an equal partnership. We understand that in terms of gender roles and marriage ideals, we make our own rules.

It’s been an uphill battle for me to discover myself, but thank God I married a feminist.

Marriage roles today are different than they were fifty years ago. Gender equality in marriage doesn’t have to mean exactly the same thing for every relationship, as long as both partners are happy. You do what works for you and your marriage.

A big thanks to Hayley for sharing her marriage story and her incredible relationship advice for couples: don’t keep score. Find a way that you can both be happy.

Check out our brand new Wives’ Tribe e-workbook! If you are looking for an affordable way to feel closer to your spouse and more in love with them, this eBook is a fantastic way to get that closeness.