Part 2: When is Divorce the Answer? Stories of Emotional and Physical Abuse, Narcissistic Personality Disorder Real Stories
By Anonymous
Read Part 1 of “When is Divorce the Answer?” Here!
This real author underwent emotional and physical abuse in her relationship. In Part 2 of the story, the author realizes that her spouse is physically abusive, and has been for some time.
In Part 3 of the story, coming next week, her spouse is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Real stories about this disorder can be hard to read, but so important to share with others going through the same thing.
Here is her story.
Marriage Counseling, Emotional Abuse
A couple of months after the therapy appointment, he suggested we go see the therapist he’d worked with after his TBI since he trusted him.
I was thrilled that he was wanting and willing to go again and that we’d automatically have a therapist he could trust.
We went and during the first session, I felt great. We were sharing what we needed to and I had so much hope!
As soon as we left therapy, though, P was terrible to me. He was furious that I had said things that made him look bad.
He made me swear to not share anything that would put him in a negative light in the future.
All hope I’d felt in that appointment was gone. We kept going, but after a couple more times, it felt pointless because I couldn’t share what I needed to share.
So, I told him that I’d like to go by myself because I was feeling so down. He agreed that I should go by myself because all of these issues were my fault and that I needed to figure things out and save our marriage.
How Marriage Therapy Can Change Your Life
This was a huge turning point for me. This therapist readily acknowledged that I was being emotionally abused and we worked on tactics to make it stop.
One specific thing we tried was for me to pack a bag and to tell him I was doing so. I’d let him know that his behavior wasn’t right, that he was emotionally abusive, and that if he behaved that way toward me, I was going to leave for 24 hours.
I told him that and it worked for FOUR DAYS.
There was no belittling. There were no angry outbursts. There was no telling me I was a failure of a wife and that I was stupid and had no worth and was a complete disappointment or was ruining his life.
I don’t think there are words that exist in the English language that could accurately describe how happy and relieved I was.
Stories of Emotional and Physical Abuse
That also means the opposite is true. No one could ever understand how hellish the cycle of abuse is until they’ve actually lived it.
At the end of the fourth day, I opened up to him and cried tears of joy telling him I felt hope that we could be happy and actually bring children into this marriage someday.
We had talked previously about how we weren’t going to bring children into such a bad marriage. He also started crying and agreed. I think that was one of the best moments of my entire life.
Sadly, that happiness and hope was extremely short lived. The next morning something set him off and things were back to how they were before.
I told him I was going to leave like I had planned and he told me that that would be the worst thing I could do right then and that all he needed was love. I was so brainwashed that I believed him and was too afraid to leave.
He had threatened to leave me plenty of times before and told me that if I left he wouldn’t be there when I got back. So, I stayed. I couldn’t do it.
Soon after that, the therapist moved to a different location and wasn’t covered by our insurance anymore, so we were left without one for a few months again. I was distraught.
I knew I loved P. And I wanted more than anything for this to work. I was determined to not tell anyone because if I did, they would treat him differently and I didn’t want that.
Divorce wasn’t an option and there was no way I was going to have any of my family or friends thinking of him as an abusive husband once we worked things out. But things got progressively worse and I felt more and more hopeless.
A few months later, he finally agreed to see another marriage therapist because things were so bad. We didn’t know what else to do.
When Physical Abuse Enters the Relationship
This therapist was just as good as the last and I was so grateful. However, I still couldn’t say what I needed to, so after a couple of sessions, P decided that I should go by myself again. I scheduled the appointment for the next week and was hopeful about getting some help myself.
That week, the day before the session, P picked me up from work for lunch. He wasn’t working, so he did this a couple of times a week so I could come eat at home with him.
Right when we got inside our little apartment, he said something to me that was very belittling and called me stupid. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I got up the courage to stand up for myself and say, “P, that was not kind. Please don’t talk to me like that.”
He immediately whirled around and slapped me on the face and then said, “Don’t you dare tell me what to do.”
I was in absolute shock. After a few seconds, I came to my senses and ran to the bedroom crying and started hyperventilating.
I had to call for him to come help me calm down because I physically wasn’t able to myself. He came in, helped me start breathing normally, called me pathetic for needing his help to stop crying, walked out of the room, and slammed the door.
How to Know if Your Partner is Abusive
This was another huge turning point for me. I realized that although this was the first time he hit me, he’d been physically abusive for a while.
He’d pushed me, pinned me down to force me to talk to him, walked past me and stepped on my toes, and threatened many, many times to punch me or hurt me.
He’d also thrown things and punched a couple of holes in the wall. For some reason I think most people subconsciously believe physical abuse is worse than emotional and it can be.
Or at least for some reason it can seem more real or tangible. It may just be that emotional abuse is a newer thing and we aren’t as aware of it.
But as someone who has experienced both emotional and physical abuse, I’d personally say that the emotional abuse, at least in my situation, was infinitely worse.
However, because physical abuse seems more real or tangible for whatever reason it made me realize how bad the situation actually was. This was the very first moment I had the thought, though it was very fleeting, that there may be an exception to the “divorce is not an option” rule.
I knew something needed to change.
Read the last part of this woman’s true story next week! In the final section, you can read about how this author’s partner was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Real stories about this disorder, as well as physical and emotional abuse, can empower and help other women change their situations.
Have you been with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Real stories can be shared with us here.
Learn More about Marriage
While stories about emotional and physical abuse can be hard to face, it’s important to reveal the realities of some marriages.
We are all about education here at Wives’ Tribe. You never know when you’re going to hear that one piece of advice that will change your perspective and your marriage.
Here are some other affiliate educational tools we recommend to improve your relationship.
“Once I realized that “traditional” methods of marriage therapy don’t work, I determined to find and create strategies, techniques and methods that do work.
It led me to abandon much of the “old school” ideas about how to help troubled couples…and so should you.