Marriage Ebbs and Flows: Becoming a Stay at Home Mom, Anxiety and Depression Effects on Marriage by Amanda

Amanda shares the marriage ebbs and flows she has experienced with her husband. Transitioning from full-time work to becoming a stay at home mom put her and her spouse on totally different schedules. After a job loss, both partners suffered from anxiety and depression. Effects on marriage caused by mental health can be detrimental, but Amanda was committed to working through the tough times with her great sense of humor intact!

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. On paper our marriage might look like this: 2 houses, 3 kids, 4 colleges, 5 boats, 9 vehicles, 10 different employers, and a few four wheelers and jet skis.

We have lived in 5 different towns and now considering one of our biggest moves yet! But there is so much more than that.

Good things and bad things. We have been through a lot, but we have remained faithful and in love. But that “love” hasn’t always been easy or looked the same.

We may be a little seasoned but still not yet settled. Things are always changing, and so is our love for each other. 

Easy Start: Let’s start at the beginning. The decision to marry my husband was not a hard one.

To be honest, I probably should have thought about it more. We are both from the same small town – yes, I married my high school sweetheart. I dated him for 2 years in high school and then 1 more year before we tied the knot.

Some people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Not for us. Things were actually easier! We enjoyed living in the same house, sharing money, and just being there for each other.

We were young and dumb. We played a lot and didn’t have much to worry about.

From Full Time Work to Becoming a Stay at Home Mom: Fast forward four years and that is where things changed.

We were blessed with a baby boy. Life was no longer just about me and my husband. Our needs got set on the back burner, especially mine.

I still worked a full-time job, so true “motherhood” didn’t set in for me until our second child was added to the mix.

With this new addition to our family, it just made sense that I should quit working outside our home and be with our kids ALL THE TIME.

I am a hairdresser. My husband built a salon in our home so I am able to do a few clients here and there. But it’s hard.

My whole world got flipped upside down. For one, showering became optional. But that was the least of my worries.

I was trying to figure out how to juggle my time between two little humans. No one said thank you, no one cared if I got out of bed, no one cared if I lost that baby weight or not, no one cared at all because no one was there.

It was like my husband and I were living two different lives.  He got up early while I was still sleeping. He socialized with people, so he didn’t need the chit chat when we finally saw each other.

He was able to eat lunch at all our favorite restaurants so he didn’t want to go out for dinner. He was tired and just wanted to relax when he finally got home – which wasn’t until 8:00 PM most nights.

Even though my day was busy chasing kids, I felt my most energy at night. It was very lonely. I became restless at night. I would stay awake until 3:00 in the morning most days while my husband was in the other room sleeping.

To combat this hardship, I started taking anxiety medication. This was GAME CHANGER IN MY LIFE! It helped me during this period of time and things got a little easier.

Anxiety and Depression Effects on Marriage: The hardest year of marriage for me was just last year. My husband lost his job and money was tighter than ever.

Bills were racking up quickly. Both of us were struggling with anxiety and depression. We felt like we were drowning. 

And if that wasn’t enough, we decided to remodel our house. We demolished our living room, dining room, and kitchen down to just the studs.

We did most of the work ourselves, so things took longer and we were always working. Life sucked!!

Trying to grow a family without those common living spaces was a nightmare. I gained 30 lbs. in 4 months!

If you want to test your marriage, then you should remodel your kitchen. I am just happy to say we made it though. I don’t know how. It seemed like though months just dragged one. 

Seasons Change! New Opportunities Arise: My message to others however is these tough times will pass! 

Our house is awesome and our marriage is stronger. We have learned to adapt to changes that has been thrown our way.

In fact, we decided we would test out marriage yet again by working together and growing a business together.

I am a seamstress and I love to design clothes. My husband’s degree is in Marketing.

We launched a baby clothing line just last week called andrewaddison.com.

To be able to work with your spouse takes a different kind of relationship and is definitely not for everyone. Balance is key.

We nag, fight, and snip at each other. But we are good with keeping those thoughts and feeling only surface deep.

I actually love his thoughts and opinions and I love that we can be honest with each other. I think that is how we have gotten though everything–with honesty. 

I have always said that marriage is convenient, and I still stand by that. Yes, it’s special and sacred too.

But let’s be real. It’s so nice to not be alone, to be able to share burdens and thoughts with someone and have extra income. I have learned the honesty is key and transparency in marriage will always help marriages to win!

Who doesn’t have experience with marriage ebbs and flows? Do you have any experience with transitioning from work to becoming a stay at home mom? How did you deal with the huge change?

Anxiety and depression effects on marriage can be real. Never hesitate to let your physician know you’re not feeling like yourself, or kindly encourage your spouse to talk with his doctor or try therapy. You might be like Amanda and see an incredible difference with just a little help.