Redefining Our Relationship: Feeling Resentful towards Husband After Baby, Husband Doesn’t Help Enough
by Alyson
Feeling resentful towards husband after baby is a very common phenomenon. You are learning your new role and you feel overwhelmed. At the same time, your husband may not be sure where he fits in and what his new role really is. This can cause tense feelings and strained relationships.
If you feel your husband doesn’t help enough, Alyson completely understands.
My husband and I were slowly approaching our five-year anniversary when we found out we were going to have our first child. Let me first say, I love being a mom, but this came as a huge shock to us.
We had just had a conversation about being okay without having children. We were content with the way things were.
We never fought, honestly. We were comfortable. But having our daughter was the best thing that ever happened to us. I don’t think either of us could even comprehend how much love you can have for someone instantly.
However, with introducing a child to our family came relationship challenges that were totally new to us. I found that I was feeling resentful towards my husband after the baby was born.
A little background information: We had relocated to North Carolina for my job, and in theory, to be closer to my family back east. In reality, we knew no one, had no friends, and no family support.
I was lucky enough to have months off for maternity leave before having to return to work. I was home with the baby, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of everyday things. It’s once I had to return to work that I really began to feel the weight of being a mom, being a wife, and keeping up with my home and life duties.
Since we didn’t have any outside help, it all came down to the two of us. I began to slowly become resentful towards my husband after baby because I felt like I was doing everything. I felt like I had all the weight of the world on me. I felt like he wasn’t doing enough or contributing in any way. It’s like he just added to the list of things I had in my head to get done.
I found myself constantly agonizing over the concept: My husband doesn’t help enough!
When I did ask for help, I would ask him to pick up after himself, and days later, he would finally get around to it. Or if I asked him to take care of dinner, he would just go buy something. I felt like I didn’t matter to him.
Eventually, I stopped asking and just took care of things myself. If I’m really being honest, even if he did do something, it wasn’t the way I wanted it done or on my timetable.
I put all this pressure on myself. I had to be the perfect employee and mother and keep up with my home. I finally realized I was putting being a wife last.
After brushing things aside for months, it took me finally exploding to tell him all the things I was feeling. He told me how he also had been feeling over those few months. What we both realized is we really hadn’t been putting any time into us. We weren’t making the time. We were so focused in the chaos of parenthood that we both had neglected what each other was needing.
We really tried to start enjoying the little moments together we had. Whether it was staying up and watching a TV show together, making small gestures, or just letting the other know when we needed time for ourselves.
The biggest thing I learned is that sometimes you have to let go of the little things. Sometimes it’s about what’s more important, and the rest can wait. Our relationship is going to continue to evolve and change, and all we can do is to learn to adapt together. We’ll have to learn to be patient with each other. There is always going to be a new challenge thrown our way, but I truly feel like we come out stronger after struggling through.
If you feel resentful towards husband after baby, or your husband doesn’t help enough, communication is key. So is putting things into perspective, even if you have to do it every day. If you have a good man by your side, communication, patience and practice can slowly repair issues like these.
Images thanks to Adobe Stock.