Different Cultures, Temper Issues, Mama’s Boy: Real Marriage Stories
by Anonymous
Looking for real marriage stories that mirror your own? This author can help. While experiencing cultural variations in marriage and a husband that was emotionally close to his mother, this author had a hard time adjusting to marriage. When she realized “Wow, my partner has a temper,” distance really began to grow. How did they “become one” again?
Everybody tells you the first years of marriage are considered “the honeymoon stage” because you’re so in love that everything is perfect. NOT TRUE! Our first 3 years were the worst years of our marriage, and I don’t really know how we survived it. If you’re looking to read real marriage stories, you found one.
Cultural Variations in Marriage
If any partnership is hard, imagine having cultural variations in marriage on top of everything. Cultural differences make communication challenging.
I remember one time we were engaged, and I was in the library at school. I saw a male friend of mine and went to say hi with a kiss on the cheek, which is how we say hi, male or female. My fiancé (now husband) saw us as he was coming to meet me and just about flipped! This became such a big issue that he took my engagement ring away. To me, that was ridiculous.
My Partner Has a Temper
As bf and gf and even as fiancés, it seemed like we were always fighting. Every single time, it was an end-of-the-world type thing.
It was so hard for me because I wasn’t used to it. For me, if there is a problem, I find a way to fix it, and move on.
We were even fighting the night before we got married in the temple. We didn’t speak to each other until we saw one another on our wedding day.
After we got married and started living together, everything bothered us. All the sudden every little thing seemed to become a problem for both of us.
He thought I had an attitude, and I kept thinking, “my partner has a temper.” I’m not one to speak my mind, and if something bothers me, I just go quiet or sometimes cry.
But for him it would be the opposite. If there was a problem, it would bring up all the details of our old problems. (I wish I had that talent, but I have such a bad memory).
Most of the time we couldn’t be in the same room, because if we were in the same room for too long we would just end up in a fight. I remember I would be in the same room and then leave to give him space so we didn’t end up in another fight.
Sadly, this went on for 3 years. Divorce conversations would come up because it seemed like we really couldn’t stand each other.
It’s so difficult to suddenly be with a complete stranger with a different personality, culture, way of thinking, and different ways of saying and doing things.
We both have strong personalities and this caused more fighting. We each had a vision of how things were supposed to be, but they weren’t the same. We each wanted every little thing our way, and we each tried to put our foot down and teach the other how things were “supposed to be.”
Mama’s Boy
Let me start by saying that I love my mother in law. She really is the best. She is very helpful – maybe even a little too much! When we first got married, it was a big issue.
My husband is the youngest of 7 kids and very close to his parents. When we got married, she would be involved in everything. If there was a question, my husband would ask her before asking me. When he came home from work, she would be waiting for him to tell her all about his day. When he came to me he didn’t have anything to say.
When we bought our house, she would text me every week to remind me it was garbage day. If we were going in a trip, she would text me the day before to remind me to do laundry and the list can go on… I guess our problem was that I’m independent and don’t like people telling me what to do. On the other hand, my husband is used to having his mom telling him what to do and how to do things.
I always felt he took her side and didn’t understand my point of view. I felt she was just being too involved and not giving me my place as his wife, but he felt she was just being helpful and loving.
Over the years we’ve learned to understand and respect each other. She can be very helpful at times. She has also learned that I’m more independent and don’t like her telling me what or how to do my own things. It’s still a work in progress, but nothing compared to what it was. It is much better now.
Like I said before, those first three years were really hard. We learned the hard way. We understood we had boundaries and learned each other’s. We learned when not to push each other’s buttons, We learned to:
- Pick our battles
- Understand each other
- Speak each other’s love language
- Understand one another’s personalities
- Give each other space
- Respect likes and dislikes
- Respect one another in general
- Be patient with one another
We learned how to become one.
Now I look back and I’m grateful we learned so much about each other those first years. I’m glad we got that out of the way and now we can just love each other and enjoy each other’s company. Now we love spending time together, we love making trips together, we miss each other and we have a hard time being without each other.
Now we have our son and we just enjoy him so much! He is our world and we can just enjoy him to the fullest without having to worry about us. We still have our disagreements, but we know we can figure it out. He is a fantastic father and helps me daily. Being parents has brought us closer and brought joy to our marriage.
We’ve been married for almost eight years now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Marriage is hard. It’s not easy, it’s constant work, but so worth it.