BPD Marriage Stories, Marriage Separation and Reconciliation, Suicide Attempts and Marriage by Erika

Are you looking for true BPD marriage stories? Erika shares her experience with BPD and how her marriage is surviving its unique challenges.

What about marriage separation and reconciliation? If you have experienced separation in marriage, all hope is not lost. Erika and her spouse were able to work out their differences and shift their perspectives, and get back together again.

Suicide attempts and marriage can also be a frightening challenge to endure. Erika’s beautiful story shows that a marriage between two good people can get through anything, from mental health problems to suicide attempts to separation. Read to learn how they fought through it all.

I grew up in a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive home.

My mother was extremely violent and harsh. She made impossibly high demands of us and resented our very existence at times.

With that kind of background, I was absolutely terrified to get married. Marriage and children seemed to be the bane of my mother’s life and I didn’t want to turn into someone like her; not only that, but I had no clue how a healthy marriage relationship should function.

I eventually did marry a wonderful man, but I felt like I was severely behind all of the other women my age because of my upbringing.

I had no cooking experience because my mother wanted a spotless kitchen and rarely allowed us to make food for ourselves.

I had no idea how to compromise because it had always been my mother’s way… never anyone else’s.

I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with my husband because if I did that in my childhood home, my mother would pounce on any whiff of insecurity or weakness and exploit it.

I had no self-esteem because of the years of hearing things like, “You are so fat,” “You’re ugly when you cry,” and “You are worthless and stupid.” I got married thinking my husband would fix all of this, and I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

My husband and I fought almost everyday of our first year of marriage. At first I would just let him do what he wanted to keep the peace, but after a while I got sick of it and I would attack him with the most hurtful and mean-spirited things I could think of, and then pretend I was the victim.  

He wasn’t (and still isn’t) perfect either, but I was the one who was continuing the same patterns I had seen as a child. We were not living together on our one year anniversary, and I was pregnant with our first child at the time… that’s how bad it got. 

I took a hard look at myself and admitted that I had been acting like a bully and not a supportive, loving, caring wife. I was acting like my mother… and that horrified me. 

After some time, we did get back together and go to counseling together. I would also go alone to deal with my past trauma. I was actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which mostly manifests itself due to childhood trauma.

I learned that the way that I reacted to situations wasn’t normal and that I alone had the strength and ability necessary to change that. Due to the BPD, I would tend to think that anytime my husband and I would fight, it would be the end of our marriage or that my marriage wasn’t as perfect as everyone else’s.

BPD makes it very easy for the sufferer to think in black and white or extremes, and I could finally see how that kind of thinking was destructive and damaging to myself and to my marriage. 

I learned that I couldn’t expect my husband to fulfill my every need or insecurity. I needed to be my own person, original and able to stand on my own while loving myself, and then my husband could come in and be the metaphorical “frosting” to my “cake.” I couldn’t fully love him with all of his flaws if I couldn’t stand myself with mine. 

I thought that what I needed was someone else to make me feel whole. I thought I was doomed to repeat my mother’s mistakes. I thought my husband and I had to be on the same page all the time or my life was ruined and meaningless. NONE of that was true.

Marriage is wonderful and amazing, but in my experience, it’s been extremely difficult as well. My husband and I are very different. Rarely do we agree. However, my marriage has taught me a great deal about myself and it has changed me. 

We’ve been married for four years this January, and we’ve been through a lot. There have been all kinds of trials: separation, poor money choices, health challenges, screaming matches and hurtful words, him leaving the church we both grew up in, and even me attempting suicide.

I’m not saying I’m entirely grateful for these trials, but we have become stronger individuals and a stronger couple because of the hard times. 

My final thoughts are these: Everyone is worthy of love and belonging just for being themselves. 

Please don’t ever think that you have to rely completely on someone else for self-respect, love, and value. You are enough on your own.

You are 100% able to rise above your past and be the kind of person you want to be. You don’t have to be perfectly in sync with your spouse all of the time; it’s ok to disagree and to think differently.

Don’t let your desire to win an argument overpower the fact that you and your spouse are teammates, not enemies. You both win or you both lose. Together.

Thank you to Erika for sharing her BPD marriage stories and uplifting true tale about separation and reconciliation. If you have experienced either of these issues or even suicide attempts and marriage, please know you are not alone.

If you and your spouse love each other and are willing to work hard for your marriage, you can make your marriage work through education, conversation, therapy, and shifting your perspective. For more education, you can check out our affiliate links below.