5 things I learned during my (challenging) first year of marriage
By Celi B
Thank you, Celi, for contributing to our stories about marriage problems and triumphs! In this story, Celi talks about adjusting to a new marriage, and how she struggled during her first year living in a new country with her new husband. If you’re considering relocating for a relationship, or you’re struggling in any marriage, this story is for you.
Our Love Story: Relocating for a Relationship
When I got married, I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into. I’ve known my husband for over 25 years. Long story short, we traveled in an exchange program with 120 other young people from 20 countries. He is from Canada, I’m from Venezuela. We became friends and stayed friends until 2013, when we decided friendship was not what we wanted, and we got married just 3 months after going from friends to something else. Haha.
I was living in Mexico after almost ten years of living out of a suitcase and traveling the world (that’s for a different blog entry) and came to Canada just to visit! 8 years later I am still “visiting.” Relocating for a relationship is hard.
Adjusting to a New Marriage
For me, the first year of marriage was no joke. I cried pretty much every day.
Relocating for a relationship is exhausting, but adjusting to any new marriage is really hard.
I knew I loved him, but I didn’t realize that marriage was not just about the person you marry, its also about their family, friends, co-workers, etc. I’ve always had lots of friends, and going from family and friends in Mexico to just my husband here was a huge shock. Also, the long never-ending winter didn’t help that first year.
My 5 Tips for the First Year of Marriage
Here are 5 things I learned during my first year of marriage that I hope will help you avoid going through the same shock I went through, especially if you are moving to a new town to be with your husband.
1. A win-win situation. I learned that things have to be balanced, that in every situation there must be a win – win situation. Otherwise, you start collecting reasons to feel angry and that never ends well. If both parties compromise a bit, everyone wins.
2. “Will you remember this fight in 5 years?” – I have to confess, I am the dramatic one in the relationship, what can I say, I am Latina J Every time we had a fight I would stay mad for hours, sometimes days! My husband once asked me if I was going to remember the reason why we were fighting in five years, and if the answer was “no,” then we had no reason to continue the fight, discussion, etc. If something doesn’t matter enough that you’ll remember it in five years, stop, breathe, take some time and come back.
3. Be yourself, he married you… YOU. During that first year, I felt I had to somehow show that I was a good wife to my husband… That took all my energy, and all I wanted was to run away!! I cared too much about what his friends and family would say. I am telling you, smiling all the time and pretending to be perfect really doesn’t work… it eventually wears you out like it did with me. So, just be yourself, he married you for who you are, otherwise he would have married someone else, don’t you think?
4. Girls’ night out. Having a network or just one friend to talk to about your personal stuff is very important. Guys don’t always want to hear how emotional you are during your period, or the silly little thousand things our brain puts together in one minute… in all fairness, it takes them a little longer to come up with 1000 things… it takes us just a minute! Haha.
5. Personal time away. This is a must for me! – After that first year of living in Canada trying to find friends and missing my traveling life, I decided to start planning trips for me and my friends, to getaway, relax, rejuvenate, feed our souls, and simply have fun without the husbands.
Get Refreshed for Your Relationship
My own issues and my friends’ stories about marriage problems actually sparked my creativity and inspired a business.
My company is called Soul Trips and I offer wellness retreats with yoga, wellness workshops, and volunteer work. Even though it is my work, I enjoy this time away with a bunch of ladies so much that I get inspired every time to plan a new trip.
Having your own personal time away it is very important for your mental health, to keep the relationship exciting, and to miss each other a bit. After all, I only leave for about 5 days at a time. 😉
If you are interested in coming to a Soul Trip, feel free to contact me. I’m happy to give the Wives’ Tribe community a $50 discount for any trip! Find us at www.mysoultrips.com or @mysoultrips.
Thank you for reading and learning from these true stories. Marriage problems can be hard, but they can also help you grow in countless ways, like they did for Celi. Read more of our stories to learn about adjusting to a new marriage or improving an old one. 😊